I hate change. I guess what I hate about it is the unknown? We have so much change going on and I feel so out of it.
We are moving to another state in 3 months. We knew this several years ago when Joel took the job that it would move to Ohio when this base closed and all its military jobs moved to the base in Ohio. It was always so far away but now the time is near…3 months. I'm scared, nervous and stressed from it all. We have moved a lot but this time we will be moving away from my family who we have been able to be with the last 5 years. I am so ill over missing them and we have not even left yet. I do have a sister in Ohio where we will be moving so that is wonderful. Still leaving everyone behind here is hard for the 3 of us.
I am thinking of registering Noah for public school today! I didn't sleep one bit last night from worrying about it. Feeling guilt, like I am failing him and myself, worrying about if they will be good to him and take good care of him, take the time to teach him. UGH!!!!! I am making my self sick over this. It is crazy!
I thought about it for months but never thought I would do it. I just picked up the phone and called and we went to see the school yesterday. It looks nice, the people seem nice. They would not talk placement really because he is not registered and with out seeing his last IEP from 3 years ago. So, I am walking into the unknown of what we will get from them.
After all that bad that happened to Noah in his last school I have fears. It is hard to trust and be open about letting others take care of him and not be there. But, I am ready to try this again. This is a new school, a new district from the last school. I never set out to home school Noah it just happened out of such awful wrong doing and treatment to him. I did it for him to keep him safe and for him to learn and for my sanity to know he was safe. Reading his IEP from 3 years ago last night, got me all upset and mad as heck all over again.
I think I am ready to let go and trust them to care for him and teach him? I feel such guilt over this. I so need some time for myself and to get things done here and sort and pack and get rid of stuff before we move. I have so much to do. So homeschooling him and getting the house done has been so hard, it is one or the other. I have to be honest with my self that I am not super woman and can not do it all. This has been hard to face. He needs my every moment to keep on task so it is hard to do anything else.
I really could go on with my fears and doubts and guilt but I should stop here and just ask for some prayers. Prayers that I am doing the right thing and for Noah to be well taken care of and that they are good people. Thank you so much for your prayers in advance.