Friday, September 10, 2010

I hate change!


I hate change. I guess what I hate about it is the unknown? We have so much change going on and I feel so out of it.

We are moving to another state in 3 months. We knew this several years ago when Joel took the job that it would move to Ohio when this base closed and all its military jobs moved to the base in Ohio. It was always so far away but now the time is near…3 months. I'm scared, nervous and stressed from it all. We have moved a lot but this time we will be moving away from my family who we have been able to be with the last 5 years. I am so ill over missing them and we have not even left yet. I do have a sister in Ohio where we will be moving so that is wonderful. Still leaving everyone behind here is hard for the 3 of us.

I am thinking of registering Noah for public school today! I didn't sleep one bit last night from worrying about it. Feeling guilt, like I am failing him and myself, worrying about if they will be good to him and take good care of him, take the time to teach him. UGH!!!!! I am making my self sick over this. It is crazy!

I thought about it for months but never thought I would do it. I just picked up the phone and called and we went to see the school yesterday. It looks nice, the people seem nice. They would not talk placement really because he is not registered and with out seeing his last IEP from 3 years ago. So, I am walking into the unknown of what we will get from them.

After all that bad that happened to Noah in his last school I have fears. It is hard to trust and be open about letting others take care of him and not be there. But, I am ready to try this again. This is a new school, a new district from the last school. I never set out to home school Noah it just happened out of such awful wrong doing and treatment to him. I did it for him to keep him safe and for him to learn and for my sanity to know he was safe. Reading his IEP from 3 years ago last night, got me all upset and mad as heck all over again.

I think I am ready to let go and trust them to care for him and teach him? I feel such guilt over this. I so need some time for myself and to get things done here and sort and pack and get rid of stuff before we move. I have so much to do. So homeschooling him and getting the house done has been so hard, it is one or the other. I have to be honest with my self that I am not super woman and can not do it all. This has been hard to face. He needs my every moment to keep on task so it is hard to do anything else.

I really could go on with my fears and doubts and guilt but I should stop here and just ask for some prayers. Prayers that I am doing the right thing and for Noah to be well taken care of and that they are good people. Thank you so much for your prayers in advance.


MaryAnne said...

I hate change too, and it would be so hard to move away from family. I am sure you will be able to do what is best for all of you in the end, and we will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. I would be super stressed about it all too.

I will pray that everything works out the way it should and you will be free of your fears soon!

Monica said...

I hate change, too. What a bummer that you have to leave your family! I understand your fears about school... of course you want what's best for Noah and you've been doing that. Hopefully that one bad experience will be your last and the new school will be great for him. You have a lot to prepare for in the next few months, you shouldn't feel guilty. Hang in there! I"ll keep you in my prayers, too. I have friends in Ohio. Where are you heading? Maybe you'll be on the same base as my friends!

Rochelle said...

Oh Beverly, I feel your pain. I am the queen of consistency. I will pray for your peace and the best placement for Noah in regards to schooling.
You are a super woman, look at that wonderful family that you maintain each day!

mrsgarageflower said...

Wow a lot in one post. Yay for me, you are moving closer - I want my children to know Noah... if only a little bit.

Sad about the public school, I am sorry it's so nerve wracking. I know you will be on top of it - you are just such a great mom.

Sad about leaving your family. I am very sad for you. :(

Yay for me again...


Erin said...

Sending prayers your way. I feel for you having to make these decisions on top of making a move to another state. You know what is best for your child and I think if you want to give public school another try you should. You always have the option of pulling him out.


Colleen said...

Ohhhh, change is never easy, but can be good too! I can imagine how tough it is to leave your family, but you are so luck you have had these years to spend with them. Wonderful memories to keep with you. I know there are wonderful things to come for you all at your new location.
Hope it all goes well with the new school for Noah! A big step for you all! I'm sure Noah will do wonderful and it will be good for him as you all are preparing for the move and all of his things being packed, etc.....
Everything will be fine!!!!!

suelmayer said...

Sam and I will keep you in our prayers. Sam is also returning to public school, half days. I know how you are feeling...I'm right there with you. I hope we are both pleasently surprised and our boys are loved and worked with!

Brandie said...

With all of these changes, you must feel so overwhelmed. It's ok to change your mind or try a new way of doing things on this parenting journey. We've used 2 different cyber schools, one public school and are now homeschooling independently. You just have to find what works for your family. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Jen said...

Change, even when you know it's coming, is difficult to accept and adjust to, but with daily prayer you'll make it through. I think it's quite wonderful you have a sister where you're moving to. Praise God! I'll pray for peace to find its way into your heart and home.

Jen said...

Change, even when you know it's coming, is difficult to accept and adjust to, but with daily prayer you'll make it through. I think it's quite wonderful you have a sister where you're moving to. Praise God! I'll pray for peace to find its way into your heart and home.

PinkInklings said...

I feel the same way about 'change' and you can add my prayers to the rest. You are being honest about your (natural) fears, guilts and angers, and you had the courage to share them with us. You are probably stronger than you think.
You may not be moving yet but the chaos it causes has already started. I think once you get more control over things (and you will) it'll be brighter.